Wow. This speaks to me in a gut punch way. I worry a lot about feeling too much...getting too mad...wanting too much love. Thank you so much fir sharing this.
It's hard because anger I know can be really toxic and unhealthy in the wrong amounts, but then again, sometimes it's justified in the face of apathy? I can love until it hurts but give it to someone undeserving...it's all very complicated but at least what I'm learning it *isn't* is about turning it off. Just channeling it differently. Selectively? I dunno. Still figuring it out.
I relate to this so so much. I used to drink, heavily, to kill off all those big feelings. I stopped that at the beginning of last year. Just recently, a friend said to me that the thing that’s different about me is that I go ALL IN every single time, no matter the consequences. And I said yeah, I’m willing to let people wreck me because I get the good stuff too. So I see you. I am you. And that priest was right on, the world needs us. ❤️
I'm not willing to let people wreck me anymore. But I *am* willing to save my big feelings for the people who have earned that vulnerability from me. Congrats to you for making changes in support of your well-being!
Love when life's random run-ins result in outstanding stories/lessons. I need to a) head off to the local coffee shop and/or b) start stalking local clergy to jump-start my recently depleted creative juices.
I find part of the trick is staying open to it. But getting out in the world a little, especially these days (carefully), is really helpful for my soul.
I'm not either. I have a complicated relationship with faith let alone religion, but this man didn't foist God on me so much as a heaping dose of humanity.
This is my first Dear F*ckers, and it's like you and Priest Guy are *in my fucking head*, seeing all the Big Feelings I (badly) attempt to blunt behind snark and punchlines.
Welcome, and thank you! And I hear you re: hiding behind things. I often say I'm crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. So much of it is defense mechanism. And that's okay; not everyone is entitled to the soft in me. But that doesn't mean I have to get rid of it and I think that's been the biggest learning.
I embrace my dragon persona. It's kept me safe more than once. Like the time I talked my way outta police custody in Saudi (true story) - this very NYC-TV-producer person is no longer NYC-based, but I retain terrifying skill-sets.
I have not enough words nor articulateness to explain sometimes my relationship and feelings with God/the Almighty/the Universe/whatever other great unknown. And frankly it's quite personal so I don't really get into that much. But suffice it to say that there's comfort sometimes in not feeling alone and in recognizing your smallness in a universe that is so very vast.
For me the jury is still out on god(s) or randomness, but both concepts floor the fuck out of me whenever I think about them for long. But kindness and love seem to work in either system... long term.
It's suicide prevention month. Donate to orgs that help prevent suicide instead of pile on the bullshit that drives more people to it. I'm executive Director of MHA Kentucky so putting or org first: https://www.mhaky.org/donate-here.html
A few recent tweets of yours led me to your substack, and after I read this entry, a subscription. As you have likely heard, your writing is quite captivating, as is your description of living with Big Feels. FWIW, they characterize most of my life (e.g., I unabashedly weep during movies, even animated ones, to the immense amusement of my daughters, but I refuse to rein it in). I must confess I am considering sharing your essay with my own actual priest, as your experience shows what humility, tact, and attentiveness can offer the world.
Wow. This speaks to me in a gut punch way. I worry a lot about feeling too much...getting too mad...wanting too much love. Thank you so much fir sharing this.
It's hard because anger I know can be really toxic and unhealthy in the wrong amounts, but then again, sometimes it's justified in the face of apathy? I can love until it hurts but give it to someone undeserving...it's all very complicated but at least what I'm learning it *isn't* is about turning it off. Just channeling it differently. Selectively? I dunno. Still figuring it out.
I relate to this so so much. I used to drink, heavily, to kill off all those big feelings. I stopped that at the beginning of last year. Just recently, a friend said to me that the thing that’s different about me is that I go ALL IN every single time, no matter the consequences. And I said yeah, I’m willing to let people wreck me because I get the good stuff too. So I see you. I am you. And that priest was right on, the world needs us. ❤️
I'm not willing to let people wreck me anymore. But I *am* willing to save my big feelings for the people who have earned that vulnerability from me. Congrats to you for making changes in support of your well-being!
Love when life's random run-ins result in outstanding stories/lessons. I need to a) head off to the local coffee shop and/or b) start stalking local clergy to jump-start my recently depleted creative juices.
I find part of the trick is staying open to it. But getting out in the world a little, especially these days (carefully), is really helpful for my soul.
While I'm not an unbridled fan of Big Religion, I'm grateful to this coffee shop priest. (Or is that a f*cking priest?)
I'm not either. I have a complicated relationship with faith let alone religion, but this man didn't foist God on me so much as a heaping dose of humanity.
oh amber. That was lovely and filled my heart for teh day.
I'm so glad. Thanks for reading.
This is my first Dear F*ckers, and it's like you and Priest Guy are *in my fucking head*, seeing all the Big Feelings I (badly) attempt to blunt behind snark and punchlines.
Holy merde, a new must read thing.
So of course I now subscribe 🤣
Welcome, and thank you! And I hear you re: hiding behind things. I often say I'm crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. So much of it is defense mechanism. And that's okay; not everyone is entitled to the soft in me. But that doesn't mean I have to get rid of it and I think that's been the biggest learning.
I embrace my dragon persona. It's kept me safe more than once. Like the time I talked my way outta police custody in Saudi (true story) - this very NYC-TV-producer person is no longer NYC-based, but I retain terrifying skill-sets.
So good. You’re an engaging writer. I’m with you. And I think maybe God is just the label we put on all the Big Things that don’t have another name.
I have not enough words nor articulateness to explain sometimes my relationship and feelings with God/the Almighty/the Universe/whatever other great unknown. And frankly it's quite personal so I don't really get into that much. But suffice it to say that there's comfort sometimes in not feeling alone and in recognizing your smallness in a universe that is so very vast.
For me the jury is still out on god(s) or randomness, but both concepts floor the fuck out of me whenever I think about them for long. But kindness and love seem to work in either system... long term.
It's suicide prevention month. Donate to orgs that help prevent suicide instead of pile on the bullshit that drives more people to it. I'm executive Director of MHA Kentucky so putting or org first: https://www.mhaky.org/donate-here.html
Other greats: MHA National www.mhanational.org
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://supporting.afsp.org/index.cfm?_ga=2.153257848.1701361155.1630696404-118832430.1630696404&language=en
NAMI.org
& Others!
A few recent tweets of yours led me to your substack, and after I read this entry, a subscription. As you have likely heard, your writing is quite captivating, as is your description of living with Big Feels. FWIW, they characterize most of my life (e.g., I unabashedly weep during movies, even animated ones, to the immense amusement of my daughters, but I refuse to rein it in). I must confess I am considering sharing your essay with my own actual priest, as your experience shows what humility, tact, and attentiveness can offer the world.