Yeah. We could all benefit from those 1940s bars being lowered way down. At least low enough to reach the martinis. (And even with those, I have to wonder how my grandfather even functioned on a three-martini lunch.) By your description, you’re handling it better than I did and I have one of those life partners to Jack and Rose with in the cold Atlantic. You know this but let me echo: there’s no right way.
Thank you for the compliment. :) And I think cognitively I know there's no "right way" , but I think I feel emotionally like my way was *always* not enough. Or like the missteps and mistakes I made were always unique to me, and that everyone else had their financial futures secure while I was over here making a mockery of it all.
I learn differently on occasion, which is comforting, but it's lonely to go through it alone when no one talks about this shit out in the open.
Agree, totally. I’m sure that’s a chapter in the book. I’m trying to break that cycle with my daughters by being open about those struggles but framing them not as success or failures but as experiences. Still, I think the market is doing everything it can to undermine us.
Well now it for sure should be a chapter in the book. I'm SO glad you're being open with them, and I'm trying to do the same with my daughter. I'd hate for her to assign moral value to financial things that are very normal and/or go into adulthood ill equipped for these situations
I am right there with ya, girl. It's been super tough lately and when I do one of the many, many tough things on my plate, I look around and realize I have to make my own fucking martini. FUCK. It's nice to know I'm not alone, we're not alone. Oh, and Happy Fucking Easter.
This was a tough one to read. Mostly because you represent SO many of my friends who are similarly stationed in life. And yes: gratitude. Always. But it must be exhausting, and yes, lonely.
Nothing really to add except to pile onto what others have already stated so well. (You really do attract some fucking great people!)
Also, this: Amber, you are building a beautiful piece of the future of humanity in the next room. I love that she is in capable hands.
She is such a bright light. Whenever I doubt the things I've done or the choices I've made, I need only look over at the legacy I'm leaving in her. It's far from perfect and I'm sure she'll have some therapy bills to contend with, but man, I gave more than I took from this world when I brought her into it.
I don't often comment, but I feel (most) of your struggles to my bones — probably because many of them I can personally relate to. No two people are alike, of course, but there are parallels we share. I don't think I'm nearly as strong as you, Amber. You are one of the strongest women I "know"! I also know, though, that those words often ring hollow to those of us who distrust our own thoughts and emotions (for good reason—they often lie to us). But I mean it! *hugs*
Welp, I'm an old lady living on SocSec who's "work" mostly = pro bono since #PatientsIncluded still pays mostly in warm handshakes and cold bagels! But and however, my goal for a long time (three decades and counting) is to owe them nothing. So far, mission accomplished. Even when I was pulling down the Big TV Network Bucks™, I had mad skills for 1099 accounting and business entity paperwork. BUT I HATE TAX PREP WITH A DEEP AND ABIDING PASSION. Still. Once I went thru bankruptcy (aka "the stupid tax") with me in the role of Stupid, along w/bad marital choice #2 whose shenanigans around biz I was running w/him were EPIC, along w/me having to spend 80% of my time hands-on care managing for my declining 'rents ... well, when one is broke-ass, taxes are easier. Kinda. It'll all be in the book 🤣 (fo' reals, writing "Welcome to My Country, Heathen Slut" this year)
It's been a tough several months for many of us. It seems like we're all going through some shit, but what I'm really surprised (and pleasantly glad) to see is that we're many of us are showing up for each other despite having our own shit to navigate.
This resonated, although I am not solo-adulting. It's still fucking hard. The martinis (or wine) flows frequently. And thank you for sharing - the more we share our struggles, the easier we can share the burden. Sending <3
I think that's why I share the way I do. I think people find a lot of solace in knowing they're not alone, and in sharing some of their struggles with other people. Somehow it takes the bite out of hard things when others help you carry them, even for a little while.
I curl into a fetal ball over finances. I never get over the past.
Me too! And I'm a CPA (YUCK!) ... (A non practising CPA btw — came to my senses eventually!)
You're definitely not alone in that! I still get nervous going to the mailbox, wondering what I might find in there.
I love your writing.
Yeah. We could all benefit from those 1940s bars being lowered way down. At least low enough to reach the martinis. (And even with those, I have to wonder how my grandfather even functioned on a three-martini lunch.) By your description, you’re handling it better than I did and I have one of those life partners to Jack and Rose with in the cold Atlantic. You know this but let me echo: there’s no right way.
Thank you for the compliment. :) And I think cognitively I know there's no "right way" , but I think I feel emotionally like my way was *always* not enough. Or like the missteps and mistakes I made were always unique to me, and that everyone else had their financial futures secure while I was over here making a mockery of it all.
I learn differently on occasion, which is comforting, but it's lonely to go through it alone when no one talks about this shit out in the open.
Agree, totally. I’m sure that’s a chapter in the book. I’m trying to break that cycle with my daughters by being open about those struggles but framing them not as success or failures but as experiences. Still, I think the market is doing everything it can to undermine us.
Well now it for sure should be a chapter in the book. I'm SO glad you're being open with them, and I'm trying to do the same with my daughter. I'd hate for her to assign moral value to financial things that are very normal and/or go into adulthood ill equipped for these situations
I see you. I hear you. I'm proud of you.
Thank you for saying so out loud. I appreciate you.
Loved this Amber. You're brilliant with words! Stay well and stay safe.
Thank you for the kind words, Ash.
You’re BAAAAAACCCCKKK! 🥳🥳❤️❤️And can relate to the 🥺🥺$
I AM. Trying to be. I suck at consistency.
You and me both!
I am right there with ya, girl. It's been super tough lately and when I do one of the many, many tough things on my plate, I look around and realize I have to make my own fucking martini. FUCK. It's nice to know I'm not alone, we're not alone. Oh, and Happy Fucking Easter.
Ok, so on-demand martini making service as a new business? I feel like Jesus might approve.
Major potential here...and Jesus approved!
Ah my dear, how this resonates. I can't match in every instance but I'm running right behind you.
And I am older than you are. ;)
Sending lots of love.
Here with you, longtime friend. Age is but a construct. Thank you for the steadfast presence and friendship.
This was a tough one to read. Mostly because you represent SO many of my friends who are similarly stationed in life. And yes: gratitude. Always. But it must be exhausting, and yes, lonely.
Nothing really to add except to pile onto what others have already stated so well. (You really do attract some fucking great people!)
Also, this: Amber, you are building a beautiful piece of the future of humanity in the next room. I love that she is in capable hands.
She is such a bright light. Whenever I doubt the things I've done or the choices I've made, I need only look over at the legacy I'm leaving in her. It's far from perfect and I'm sure she'll have some therapy bills to contend with, but man, I gave more than I took from this world when I brought her into it.
I have full confidence in all of that. Nothing is more obvious to me that she also is going to give much more than she takes.
Thank you for giving the world that gift!
I don't often comment, but I feel (most) of your struggles to my bones — probably because many of them I can personally relate to. No two people are alike, of course, but there are parallels we share. I don't think I'm nearly as strong as you, Amber. You are one of the strongest women I "know"! I also know, though, that those words often ring hollow to those of us who distrust our own thoughts and emotions (for good reason—they often lie to us). But I mean it! *hugs*
Thanks, Tressa. I do get rather tired of being strong sometimes, you know? But thankfully that's what therapy is for. :)
EffinBirds FTW! And we're all reduced to ashes by digging in on finances/taxes. Says the old lady who just filed her own returns at noon today 😱🤬🤣
Hey, why give them money sooner than required? At least that's the way I look at it. All the way to the deadline, baby
Welp, I'm an old lady living on SocSec who's "work" mostly = pro bono since #PatientsIncluded still pays mostly in warm handshakes and cold bagels! But and however, my goal for a long time (three decades and counting) is to owe them nothing. So far, mission accomplished. Even when I was pulling down the Big TV Network Bucks™, I had mad skills for 1099 accounting and business entity paperwork. BUT I HATE TAX PREP WITH A DEEP AND ABIDING PASSION. Still. Once I went thru bankruptcy (aka "the stupid tax") with me in the role of Stupid, along w/bad marital choice #2 whose shenanigans around biz I was running w/him were EPIC, along w/me having to spend 80% of my time hands-on care managing for my declining 'rents ... well, when one is broke-ass, taxes are easier. Kinda. It'll all be in the book 🤣 (fo' reals, writing "Welcome to My Country, Heathen Slut" this year)
I hear you.
It's been a tough several months for many of us. It seems like we're all going through some shit, but what I'm really surprised (and pleasantly glad) to see is that we're many of us are showing up for each other despite having our own shit to navigate.
Hang in there. You're doing great!
I appreciate that too. My friends have been so patient with my ups and downs and struggles in recent months, and I'm very grateful for that.
This resonated, although I am not solo-adulting. It's still fucking hard. The martinis (or wine) flows frequently. And thank you for sharing - the more we share our struggles, the easier we can share the burden. Sending <3
I think that's why I share the way I do. I think people find a lot of solace in knowing they're not alone, and in sharing some of their struggles with other people. Somehow it takes the bite out of hard things when others help you carry them, even for a little while.
If it hits 12:30 and I don’t have my Effin’ Birds, I get cranky.
Just so you realize how much Grace I extend you when the writer isn’t writing. 😇
I love you, thank you. Grace is what's gotten me through the last decade, on several fronts.
Love this…and living it too!! Hard AF!